The Angry Birds movie features Sean Penn as a bird who does little but growl – but it’s just the latest in a long line of laconic film and TV roles
Sean Penn is one of the defining actors of our generation. A two-time Oscar-winner, his presence alone can add nuance and gravitas to the lightest of projects. These projects now include The Angry Birds Movie, in which all he is asked to do is growl. It’s a wonderful growl, full of depth and sorrow, but where does Penn stand among history’s other one-note characters?
Terence
Project: The Angry Birds Movie.
Portrayed by: Sean Penn.
Line: “Grrr.”
What does it mean? “Dear distressingly spherical green pigs, your abduction and subsequent housing of my unborn children inside your bizarrely dynamite-strewn shacks will not stand. I may look like a flying tumour, but my determination is real. Sirs, prepare to die.”
Groot
Project: Guardians of the Galaxy.
Portrayed by: Vin Diesel.
Line: “I am Groot.”
What does it mean? “I am a tree. I do not adhere to the basic principles of time. I exist outside the realms of your petty ephemera. Chop me down and I will simply resprout. I have seen so much that all I can be certain of is my name. I am Groot. We are Groot.”
Hodor
Project: Game of Thrones.
Portrayed by: Kristian Nairn.
Line: “Hodor.”
What does it mean? “My name is not Hodor. Hodor is simply the only word I choose to say, thanks to a great, unseen trauma in my past. However, I am strong and loyal, and the actor who plays me can’t believe his bloody luck.”
Road Runner
Project: Looney Tunes.
Portrayed by: Mel Blanc.
Line: “Meep meep.”
What does it mean? “I am the worst cartoon character in the history of animation. I am perfect and unobtainable. Look at this idiot coyote, with his madcap schemes and human flaws. He is a fool, and you are a fool. If you have ever related to me, even in the smallest way, you are probably a sociopath, and you should be ashamed of yourself.”
Matt Damon
Project: Team America: World Police.
Portrayed by: Trey Parker.
Line: “Matt Damon.”
What does it mean? “Along with Sean Penn, I represent the stereotype of outwardly caring but inwardly self-absorbed celebrity. Although I desperately want to be a part of Hollywood’s liberal agenda, I am doomed forever to repeat my own name in a funny voice.”
Annyong Bluth
Project: Arrested Development.
Portrayed by: Justin Lee.
Line: “Annyong.”
What does it mean? “Hello. That’s all it means. It isn’t even my name. I’m just saying ‘Hello’ in Korean, but this dysfunctional family of entitled nitwits haven’t even taken the time to look beyond my basic courtesy. This joke gets old fast, which is why I don’t appear much after series one.”
Beaker
Project: The Muppets.
Portrayed by: Richard Hunt.
Line: “Meep.”
What does it mean? “I have shut down. Years of abuse at the hands of Dr Bunsen Honeydew have caused me to withdraw so far into myself that he can no longer hurt me. Blow me up all you like, Honeydew. Set fire to my hair again. You can’t hurt me, because I barely exist. I am a silent, eternal anguished howl in Muppet form.”
Maggie Simpson
Project: The Simpsons.
Portrayed by: Gabor Csupo, Liz Georges and Matt Groening.
Line: A dummy suck.
What does it mean? “I am young, and yet I see all. Although my personality hasn’t sufficiently formed to take in the chronic dysfunction that propels this family, know that I am always watching, and that one day I will find a way out.”
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